Self-Confidence and Dyslexia

There are some concerns that I hear time and time again from parents of kids with dyslexia.  One of the biggest is about their child having low self-confidence. There are many factors that often lead kids with dyslexia to struggle with low self-confidence. The most apparent ones often come, unfortunately, from school. 

Kids spend a large amount of their waking days in school. They become immersed in a closed culture in which the social connections they forge become massively important. At the same time, from Grade 3 onwards they are required to access the curriculum through a read-to-learn and write-to-be-evaluated system. If they struggle to read and write they are unable to access their education to the same degree that the majority of their peers are.

They receive a constant barrage of negative feedback from:

• report cards

• assignment corrections

• peer corrections

• teacher comments

• peer comments

• self-observations

Given all this, it's no wonder that students with dyslexia often struggle with low self-confidence. This will be increasingly true the more the child's school is lacking in accommodations for them.

How, then, do we help these kids gain the self-confidence they need to navigate their way through the world? Here are 7 suggestions:

1. Allow plenty of time for things the child is good at

Being good at things makes us feel good. It seems intuitive, yet so does dedicating lots of time to improving on skills we lack.  Improving your child’s literacy skills is certainly important, as literacy is an essential life skill and predicts positive outcomes later in life, and learning to read and write better would help improve anyone’s self-confidence.  Still, it’s important to find the right balance.  Since kids already spend a large portion of their waking lives in school, it’s important to set aside ample free time for skills and activities that make them feel competent. My recommendation to parents is to dedicate only 5-15 minutes per day on literacy skill practice on days they don’t have tutoring. Let kids spend most of their free time on things that make them feel like they’re good at something.

2. Give them the experience of success in reading and writing

As I discussed in Learned Helplessness and Dyslexia: Breaking the Cycle (literacytutoringse.wixsite.com), it’s important to give children with dyslexia experiences of success in literacy. The way to do so is through a structured literacy program with a carefully designed curriculum that allows children to learn skills and build upon them in a logical order once a skill is mastered. Many kids with dyslexia have the internalized belief that they cannot read and will never be able to read. Demonstrating that they can improve their literacy skills will help build their self-confidence.

3.   Fight for accommodations

While kids with dyslexia are often given IEPs and promises from their schools and teachers, too often I hear about accommodation requirements being ignored or neglected.  Getting your child the accommodations they need in order to help them access the curriculum is often, unfortunately, a never ending fight. It is, however, an essential fight to fight. Teachers and other resources are often stretched past their limits, especially in public schools. My advice is to always be polite and courteous, but persistent at the same time. Model these behaviours to your child as they need to learn to self-advocate as well.  When a child is being given the tools they need to succeed at school their self-confidence will grow.

4. Emphasize positive actions (with specific examples)

Studies show that children benefit the most from a very specific kind of praise. Highly generalized and overstated compliments are often discounted or disbelieved when they don’t match the child’s own observations about themselves.  For example, telling a child they’re the best reader in the world won’t be effective when the child notices they don’t read as well as their peers. Instead, draw attention to positive actions. E.g. “You work hard in tutoring and now you can read that whole decodable book by yourself!” “You trained every day this week for your race and shaved off 10 seconds from your best time!”

5. Help them develop a growth mindset rather than a fixed one

A hot topic in the field of education has been the concept of building a growth mindset rather than a fixed one.  This topic deserves its own post, but, to be brief, a growth mindset emphasizes improvements whereas a fixed one assumes a fixed state of being.   One who has a fixed mindset might believe “I’m stupid and a bad reader and I always will be.”  One who has a growth mindset might believe “I may not read as well as my friends, but If I work hard during tutoring and practice reading decodables for 5 minutes a day I can get better at reading.”  If one cultivates a growth mindset they’ll come to believe that they can improve at just about anything. Building a growth mindset will work to make a child feel less helpless about their abilities and therefore improve their self-confidence. To help your child develop a growth mindset, get in the habit of pointing out improvements over time, and be specific. For example “You can read 1 more decodable text in 5 minutes now than you could last week!”

6. Have them spend time with peers with dyslexia

Having dyslexia can feel very isolating within a school environment.  Meeting and socializing with other kids who have similar patterns of thinking and learning can be hugely beneficial.  Seeing that there are great, “normal” people out there with the same learning difference can help a child with dyslexia reflect a more positive image back to themselves. It’s for this reason that I host group events for my students such as Among Us games and summer and March Break literacy game camps. 

7. Explain the meaning of dyslexia

Dyslexia is a learning pattern with neurobiological origins and is completely unrelated to intelligence. In fact, you cannot receive a diagnosis of dyslexia if you have lower-than-normal intelligence.  Dyslexia is also associated with positive attributes such as higher creativity, ingenuity, out-of-the-box and big-picture thinking. These qualities are highly desirable in many professions and careers.

Kids with dyslexia will benefit greatly from understanding that their diagnosis comes with obstacles, certainly, but also with positive qualities. It may take time to convince them that dyslexia does not mean low intelligence but be persistent!  Read the book “Fish in a Tree'' with them (audiobook available) and research celebrities and successful entrepreneurs who have dyslexia. 

I hope you find my suggestions helpful! Please share what you have found to be successful in improving your child’s self-confidence.